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10_times_better

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[11 Feb 2005|12:54am]
[ mood | confused ]

my life is a crazy thing.
if you see dust commin
i would run

somethin happened today
i dont know what it was
but it changed me
for the better??
we will never know

is it weird that a guy that you have only seen twice
called you everyday
just to tell you how cool you are??
Ok..good, i thought so too

see.. somethin is different
hmm.
weird how the world works

ps i need to get layed

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no worries [29 Jan 2005|04:00pm]
[ mood | naughty ]

ok, here is the deal.
i know all of you were wringin your hands wonderin how im gonna fix my most recent situation.
the thing is, patrick has to go.
over christmas break i hung out with a lot of my guy friends and laughed TONS AND TONS..
when it dawned on me, that i dont laugh when im with patrick.
thing i was thinkin i was doin somethin wrong and thats why i wasnt laughin,
but i realized that HE is the one that doesnt make me laugh.
he is so caught up on his *drama.. whoe is me im a sad and UBBER depressed writer*
and frankly, that brings me down.
but then i went to mexico and met tons of dudes that were amazing.. and i laughed A LOT!!.. cuz in general guys make me laugh. so the fact that mr depression doesnt make me laugh, its kinda a skill on his part, but i hate it.
then i also met a surfer dude and realized, again, that me and patrick dont have things in common. ok so he IS a cowboy.. but a FAKE ONE!!! he lives in fairfax VA.. and has NEVER riddin a horse!!! so he dresses like a coyboy, but itsnt.. that makes him a poser.. and i dont like posers.
i hate to beat him in the ground like this, but its a ventin process.
and while i was in mexico i didnt miss him
i just realized the fun i could be havin. so i havent really talked to him for about two months.. and im nervus to see him again.
i dont know if i should break up with him the FIRST time i see him.. or wait .. or what.
then i dont really know what to say to him TO break up with him. what ever it is, it has to be honest, but kinda at the same time nice. if possible
ehh.. he is gonna want to be all kissy and.. BLAH!! i dont even like thinkin about it. shew! this is like 100% proof that im a bitch... hehehe wicked

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MEXICO!!!!! [07 Jan 2005|03:45pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

hola chicas!
im in mexico and im havin an incredible time.
this one girl almost got muged, but kate hit the guy and he ran away
YAY kate
its soooo fun..
i miss everyone LOTS AND LOTS!!!

i dont really have anything to bitch or complain about...
but i just wanted to let everyone be jealous.. or something about Mexico!!!
hehehehe..
lo siento.. *im sorry*

adios amigas!!!

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...??...?? [03 Jan 2005|11:57pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

shhh...
im good at keepin secrets..

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the wall [19 Dec 2004|05:23pm]
[ mood | worried ]

There is this thing in my life i call The Wall.
Anyone who is my close friend knows about it.
and fears for the guy im with when i hit it.
I will have a "perfect"relationship with someone then BAM!
I hit The Wall.
It happens around the 3 week to 1 month part of the relationship.
i had made it ALMOST 2 months with patrick, but sadly
i have hit the wall.
i have tried and tried to get over it, but everytime
i just smash in my face.
Each time im with him, i wish i wasnt.
i tend to find the imperfections.
I know its not finding the perfect person,
its seein the imperfect person perfectly,.. or somethin along those lines.
but its not workin.
i have ideals and they arent even that hard to fallow
but only certain guys fall into them and for some reason
i cling to those guys for a long time.
i would never cheet on patrick, because his last girlfriend of 3 years
did that to him.. and it even caused a small suicide scare, for him..
at least thats what he has told me.
and if i cheeted on him
i could never live with myself.
but the problem is:
should i keep attempting to jump over this wall
and at the same time dread seein him and bein with him, when i am
or should i peacefuly walk away from the wall
and hope for the best when the rest goes down.

im crazy:
ill regret it if i let him go
but im not happy keepin him...
ohh life! why are you so hard!?!?

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i think im lame [18 Dec 2004|12:43am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I never had a boyfriend
cuz i never trusted myself
but then i would complain about it almost everyday
like a lame-o

so now here i am
i have a guy
supper ubber sweet
thinks i hung the moon AND stars
and i think he is great too

buuut.. i come home
and theres a bad thing waitin to happen
there is this other guy
who totally fucked me over
when i was in High School

but now he wants to "hang out" with me
and im totally fallin in the hole
i havent told him about my boyfriend
and im not thinkin im gonna
and i havnt told my BF about him either
aaaand i dont think im gonna do that neither

im a bad girl
let alone an aweful girlfriend
cant be trusted
and shouldnt be

but how to find the will power
that will help ride-over my guilt
i dont think its gonna happen

so i am askin you.. if anyone is still alive who cares..
for you total and honest to GOD truth
what am i?
and what i should and shouldnt i do?

patrick vs dillon

and not to mention this makes me sound like a total ass for bein all "ohh whoa is me.. i have too many guys to handle.." well, fuck that.. its not like my life is always like this..
and its situations like these i had tried to avoid by bein always single and unattached in the first place.
reality's a bitch

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?? [06 Sep 2004|12:27am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

i think im peacin out forever.. not totally for sure, but pretty darn close. im just too satisfied with life. and i have nothin to rant about. or even brag about really. im just goin thru college doin the everyday thing, like class, and soccer, and sleepin after i get my homework done. but no one really wants to hear all about that, so i think i might just stop writing for a while. and maybe ill be able to get frusturated about something. or have a stupid guy to talk about. or some shit like that. but until then, i hope everyones life is fabulotacular and i will holla at-cha later.

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all alone again [24 Jul 2004|05:49pm]
[ mood | calm ]

so this summer hasnt royally sucked or anything. but like, all my friends have lives and jobs and stuff. but me?? no, i just sit my ass around the house and do a whole lot of nothing. its depressing. i miss school. i admit it. for sure i am NOT commin home next summer.. i dont want a job in a mall. i want to do something fun and adventerous. not to mention all the dude friends i had at home.. all have girlfriends and have FINALLY (should i say) gotten better things to do.

im in NC visiting my brother. it rocks, like, ubber fabulotacular party tonight. but in the mean time, they have this punk kid (he's nice actually) but he is living with them. and all he does is smoke weed. so their house smells like SHIT because of it. i dont want to sound like a hagg or somoethin, but he could at least have the courtisy to smoke outside.. hmm?? i mean as much as i love walkin into stores smellin like HASH, the smell gets really old sometimes.

i miss you HU amigas.. i cant wait to get back and have a life of soccer, friends, parties, and all the cool shit. muuwah!! xxoox

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inner peace [12 Jul 2004|10:42pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

SO!! i went to Yoga tonight. and its supposed to help me be calm, and find my inner peace, not to mention make me as flexible as gumby. but tonight the teacher we usually have wasnt there and we had some jerk ass dude. during one hour we did, like, two moves. then he would lecture and be all negative and talk about bad posture might cause death, etc... so i REALLY hated it. he forgot to get us centered first of all. so when we were tryin to balance on one foot and all that junk, everyone was fallin over. and he would get mad!! so i got mad too, just cuz he sucked, like, a lot and i almost just walked out. but i decided, its bad karma and aura to leave Yoga mad. so i stayed. but when he was done, he was like.. ok everyone can leave now. so i was mad, not stretched, not centered, and found my inner haterid. is it a coincidence that on my way home there were two HORRIBLE recks?? its a weird world in the cosmos'

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kissing slut [30 Jun 2004|04:36pm]
[ mood | confused ]

is it so wrong to like kissing?? i never thought so. and do i have "summer fling" tattooed to my forhead?? i dont think that either. but it seems that i am, acoding to my "friends".. easy. when did i become easy?? what did i DO to become easy?? ok, so ya.. i kissed two boys in two nights. like HELLO!! is everyone in my town Amish?? oh geese, burn me at the stake, will ya?? SOO i hope everyone's summer is fabulotacular. i miss HU chica's like WHOA, a lot. lets hope that one of these days i will get out of my shallow slump and talk about something deep, meaningful, and insightful. wish me luck. eye heart you.. xxoo

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hmm [13 Jun 2004|12:45pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

how many days after you give a guy your phone number should you wait until you give up??

see, its an odd thing, that just the other day i was wonderin if i should change or not... and Ashley and KoolK told me not to. so i didnt, and then just like a day later i go to get ice cream and the guy behind the counter is deffinant eye candy..and totally hitting on me (if i can be modest for like .5 seconds)... so i ate my ice cream, then gave him my number, he laughed, and said thanks, then put it in his pocket. im not gettin my hopes up that he is going to call or anything, and its not gonna happen like it does in the movies.. i was just wonderin how long i should wait, til i give up and try try again??

i feel shallow today... like a baby pool

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just another day in paradise [11 Jun 2004|01:07pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

uneventful.. shouldnt summers after college be filled with hangin out with friends that you missed OH SO MUCH over the year, and endless supply of parties?? obviously not, cuz everyone has a job. wonderful for them, but me, myself, and i cant seem to find the time for a job. is that some kind of oximoron?? i was gonna get a job and lots of places called me, but i decided that i wouldnt be happy with myself if i sat in the mall all day. ive changed my mind and have decided to become a nomad!!! my mom will pay me for child labor jobs, such a weeding, painting, mowing, etc.. and i will go places like New Orleans, NC, SC, and Canada (not really, but wouldnt that be cool??)

you know what i hate more then anything... being dissed for a boyfriend. enough said, i think everyone knows what im talking bout.

but all in all life is glorious.

my mom is buying me an endless supply of books on How to flirt, how to NOT stay single, and crazy stuff like that. its like im 35 and single...im only 20 (nearly).. and she finds it fun to get her friends involved and attempt to give me a make over. ok, sure i suppose i MAY need to grow up a little, but i LOVE who i am. i naver have been and am never going to be like everyone else. people always say *dont change who you are* but i change to become ME, thats like NO ONE ELSE! so my hair isnt blue, and i dont wear patched together cordory trousers, but still.. i think im unique. ANYWAY back to my point... should i change or *grow up* as my mom likes to say in hopes of finding someone to fancy?? or should i protest and attempt my unsuccessful way of trying to catch guys with who i am, or was, or want to be, or shouldnt be, or whatever.. and continue complaining about being lonley??

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long time gone [29 May 2004|01:53pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

HEY!!! to all my LJ amigas!! i havnt died. just so you know. im still in Roanoke coaching a high school soccer team. im soo bored and lonley its totally not funny. roanoke sucks when all your friend are gone, FYI.

im a looser baby, so why dont you kill me....

All by my self... dont want to be, all by my self.. anymore..

TENNESSEE TENNESSEE there aint no place id rather be, wont you please just take me..back to TENNESSEE...
hasta for now...

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yea..soo...lets go home [07 May 2004|10:37am]
[ mood | sick ]

i would be better off if someone cut my throat out. THANKS have a spectacular day

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99 bananas on the wall..99 bananas... [02 May 2004|10:55am]
[ mood | drunk...last night ]

ive found a new fav! 99 BANANAS!! ROCKS MY SOCKS!! drink up baby!

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simple [29 Apr 2004|08:59pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

whats your simple pleasure?? Like, i like to drive thru flower pettals in the spring really fast on the road and watch them fly up behind me. :)

KoolK...here is the liquor order~
Ashleigh- Handle of Jim Bean
Molly- 99 Bananas
MandyMay- Smirnoff Raspberry Twist

thanks so much!! muuwah!

i think im bipolar...??? cuz im happy now!! hmmm

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[27 Apr 2004|07:27pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

GIRLS ARE SO FUCKIN MEAN!!... IM LEAVING!

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no duh! [26 Apr 2004|08:27am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

girls: deffinanition- mean, two faced, bitchy, back stabbing, but still huggable and loveable... does that make sence?? i know that im mean too..but geeze, sometimes it just goes too far. i go out of my way to appologize for things i did. i explain myself...but people just dont get it. no one gets me! but i still love life..good thing too.

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so there.. [23 Apr 2004|09:05am]
[ mood | dorky ]

life is only as good as you make it.. so im putting my foot down.. and im GOING to make my life happy again!! xoxo amigas

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#1 quality of life MY ASS [22 Apr 2004|07:34am]
[ mood | in a not so chipper mood ]

i tried to let it go...i tried to make good things come from REALLY shitty situations... always saying, it will be better next year. Well, bull shit. this school is full of CRAP and i dont want to have to deal with it anymore. At the beginning of the year i was wait listed for ALL my classes...i got that sorted out, kinda..didnt get the classes i wanted, but i got classes. Then the same thing happened second semester...but i got Dean Ridley to become my adviser..and that helped. THEN our soccer coach was fired. I mean, so we didnt win but one game, but we were an odd team to work with. and i turned down D2 schools for soccer...cuz THIS coach was the nice one. But not like that matters anymore. Then the straw that broke the camels back...Me and KoolK are LIVING IN FUCKIN TINKER NEXT YEAR WITH FRESHMAN WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS IN WEST. thats crap...and that doesnt make me happy...and my quality of life will blow if i have to walk to west everynight to see other people. Not like i dont love you KoolK, but you see my point too. I dont know what im supposed to to about it...but i do know that i will have to ONCE AGAIN try to make something good out of a really shitty situation.. -im out-

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